Our closed Facebook group continues to grow and to be an
incredible resource and support for more and more women. I can hardly keep up with it all and am
grateful my fellow board members, especially Katie Champ, have been doing an
exceptional job at keeping it safe and relevant.
I have been thinking about fear tactics, and the effect they
have on all of us. Let me remind you
that I am speaking as a mom. I am not a
professional. It seems to me every time
I hear a birth professional in the hospital setting talk about VBAC and
homebirth, they all seem to have been part of some horror story that involves
the loss of the baby. As the years have
gone by, I have become suspicious of how many actually witnessed this, or if it
is just stories passed around. And they
never report any horror stories that occur in the hospital, as though
everything is just perfect there. So I
built up resentment over it and distrust.
(start here if coming in from the Newsletter)
But something happened just recently to remind me, to remind
many of us, that there are real people out there who do experience loss, and I
don’t ever want to be a part of minimizing this. I wonder what those families would think if
they knew they were being used as horror stories to shame other moms for their
birth choices. It doesn’t seem to honor
or respect either family, certainly not the baby, and really just seems to use
them to suit their own needs and/or fears.
So I do not presume to speak for all other women preparing
to VBAC, but when I did, I learned a lot about what could go wrong, including
that I could lose my baby. I learned
statistics, I learned about drugs, methods, risks, and on and on. I made educated decisions that were best for
me at the time. With my first VBAC, I
needed to be in the hospital. I felt
more secure knowing there was a “safety net.”
I don’t know what that safety net was exactly, in my mind, but it was
important for me based on where I was in my journey. With my HBAC, it was the opposite-I was more
afraid to be in the hospital and all the risks that are there. That is where I
was then in my journey. Both were OK
choices, and both should be made available to all women because we need to
birth where we feel safe and are fully supported.
This is completely opposite from my first birth-I had never
heard of placental abruption, cord prolapse, uterine rupture, placenta accreta,
nor had I ever heard of side effects from epidural, risks of Cytotec (I was
never even told about Cytotec, even though it was used on me), risks of
induction, risks of cesarean, etc. The only
thing I was ever told by my OB was that after 42 weeks there is a higher chance of
stillbirth. So there, that was it. I was led to believe that everything would be
just fine as long as we got the baby out before 42 weeks, and I did everything
they told me. “Thank God for modern
medicine that saved my baby’s life,” was something I said regularly until I
started preparing for my VBAC and the bombshell was dropped on me. I was completely unprepared for anything bad
happening, and if my baby had died I would have been bewildered, as I really
didn’t think things went wrong to the baby when you had good prenatal care and
did everything your doctor told you to do.
So with my VBAC’s I knew very well that sometimes things go wrong, that not
everything can be controlled, not everything explained, not every baby
saved no matter what you do, no matter
who is attending. I learned about all
the things that can go wrong. But in learning
about it all, I wasn’t any more fearful, just realistic. I learned that birth is as safe as life
gets. I saw this on a bumper sticker of
my midwife, and soon understood what it meant.
So with all that knowledge, I made what I believed were the best decisions
for both my baby and me and our health and our lives. Now had I lost a baby, maybe I would feel
differently, and I am grateful to not be in that position, but it would be hard
to believe I would feel any differently, since I knew all the risks. I was prepared and empowered, and it was
important to my midwives that I knew all these things, as opposed to my OB who
never mentioned one statistic, one negative, one drawback to being induced.
But one thing I never, ever want to do is try to guess what
other families may be going through after a loss, other than supporting them
and honoring their baby. Because when we
talk about loss, there really is a baby, and a mom, and a family, and the story
is theirs to tell. I think a hospital
worker spewing out a horror story at a pregnant woman dishonors both families . Women have the right to make their own
decisions, no matter what others think.
And I believe they have a right to not have people spew horror at them. I do encourage all women to learn about all
the risks, and advantages, so they can make their own best decisions, and then
please, let them gestate in peace!
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